Beautifully Flawed

 October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and we are sharing powerful stories from current and former SafeHouse clients. 

*Warning* Some of the stories we will share this month do contain details of violence, sexual assault, and/or child abuse. Identifying information may have been removed or changed to protect confidentially. 

"Hello, I am a domestic violence survivor. Sadly abuse and neglect started for me at a very young age. My father was an alcoholic, and my mother was an addict. I was never taught how to speak my mind, how to make my own choices, or even how to love myself, due to this love and affection was very unusual and foreign to me. Because of the abuse from my parents I found myself in my first abusive relationship. I had met him on MySpace,  We talked for 3 years before we actually met each other, when we started dating I rushed to move in with him because I thought he was my ticket to escape. It was less than a month when his true side came out. It started out small, he would just run off and not speak to me for a day or two when he was mad at me, he would gaslight, call me names, make fun of me with his friends, and he would do degrading things like pour mustard on my head in front of his friends. He would always treat me like I was unwanted and an inconvenience. Eventually it started getting physical, even more degrading, and at least once every 2 months he would kick me out for a week or 2. I put up with this treatment for 8 years until I was finally fed up.

It drove me to my 2nd and last abusive relationship. I met this guy through my first abuser, they were friends. My second abuser saw what was going on and made me feel like he was my rescuer. He was always there to listen when I needed to talk to someone He listened when I talked, and he gave me the emotional support I needed and wanted. At least that's what I thought he was doing, when in reality he knew I was vulnerable, and he was reeling me in. He was my knight in tin foil. It didn't take my 2nd abuser long before he showed me his true side. He would tell me I was damaged goods and basically how lucky I was that he was there to take care of me. He manipulated me to turn my back on my friends, to think like him, to do what he wanted, and when I'd try to speak up for myself he got violent. His abuse got to the point that he pulled a loaded gun on me and held me against my will at his house. I wanted to leave him but I didn't have the strength I felt stuck.

About two weeks later we got into another argument and he got physical with me again so I went to my grandmother's house to beg her to let me stay there. I was in tears and I was denied. I was so broken at the time because I felt I had no one I felt so alone so I started talking to a guy who was living with my grandmother, I was in tears and broken I started telling him if god exists he sucks, why would god cause so much pain, I declared that I didn't believe in him. I ended up going back to my abuser’s house because I had no choice.

The next morning I was getting ready for work and my grandmother called me, she asked if I was sitting down and I said yes, she told me that my eldest brother passed away I remember feeling so numb at that moment. Losing my brother was the hardest thing I have ever faced, I felt as though god was punishing me for what I said about him the night before. Losing my brother broke me but losing him gave me the strength to leave my abuser. Losing him also blessed me, my family in Alabama were able to buy me a plane ticket to Alabama they gave me a place to stay, they pushed me to get help from the safe house, and they helped me get my  Independence for the first time in my life. I have also been blessed with a guy who has taught me how to communicate, love, show affection, to compromise, and to be happy. God used my brother’s death to make me, and to save me. They showed me that it was up to me to take my life in to my own hands, and they have taught me that I may not be perfect but I am beautifully flawed."