“Why doesn’t she just leave?”

It seems simple. Why stay in an unhealthy and dangerous relationship? Leaving the abuser will fix everything.

Except, far too often leaving doesn’t fix anything.

Ending an abusive relationship can be dangerous, and we recommend having a plan before leaving. We call this safety planning, and it's important to have safety plans before, during and after separation. Some victims of domestic violence feel safer in the home with the abuser because of the fear of what the abuser may do if they leave.

Domestic violence follows a pattern, and it's important to recognize each stage. Abusive relationships are not bad all the time. There is a "calm" or "honeymoon" stage when everything seems fine in the relationship. But it is after the calm when the abuse starts to happen. Breaking the cycle is hard because a honeymoon stage is safe and happy. There can easily be false hope that the honeymoon stage will last and that the abuse is over. Often, the domestic violence cycle is normalized because healthy relationships also have conflict and honeymoon stages.

So, why doesn’t she just leave? Very likely she has tried. Most victims of domestic violence will leave an average of 7 to 8 times before completely separating. There are many other barriers in addition to what is discussed here.

Let’s do what we can to make leaving safer and easier for them!

• Believe victims when they disclose abuse.
• Tell them about SafeHouse or whichever domestic violence response center that serves their county.
• Help with transportation. Offer a ride to the domestic violence shelter or take the victim to work each day.
• Baby-sit their kids or help take care of pets.
• Volunteer or donate to your local domestic violence response center. 

SafeHouse serves domestic violence victims in Shelby, Clay and Coosa counties. Call our 24/7 crisis hotline to seek shelter or to learn more about our resources.

(205) 669-7233

#RelationshipGoals

As you may already know from following our social media accounts, February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month (#TDVAM). Our Education Specialist took over the Instagram and Facebook pages to educate our followers on this issue. She worked hard to create the amazing graphics you have been seeing the last couple of weeks.

Why is it so important to our Prevention Team to spread the word about TDVAM?

As the Education Specialist has explained, “Young people (ages 11-24) who are in abusive or unhealthy relationships are at a higher risk of experiencing domestic violence (DV) in relationships they have as adults. Teens and young adults often think some behaviors, like teasing and name-calling, are a ‘normal’ part of a relationship—but these behaviors can become abusive and develop into serious forms of violence.”

We encourage all parents and guardians to take signs of dating violence seriously, because the dating habits teens form often follow them into adulthood. Teens deserve to have healthy relationships now and in the future.

What can you do if you think your teen is experiencing dating violence?   

·         Listen and support your teen.

o   Be patient.

o   Remember it is not their fault and be sure to tell them so.

o   Try to stay calm while having the conversation.

·         Believe your teen if they open up to you first.

o   Don’t minimize the abuse.

·         Show concern.

o   “You don’t deserve to be treated like this.”

·         Focus on the behavior of the person.

o   “I don’t like the way he/she treats you.” Instead of “I don’t like him/her.”

·         Avoid ultimatums, such as threats to punish your teen if they don’t stop dating the person.

·         Be prepared.

o   Educate yourself and practice talking to your teen BEFORE this happens.

What to learn more? Here are some great resources:  

RAINN

Love Is Respect

Trevor Project

Our Prevention Team is available to speak at high/middle schools, colleges, churches, community groups and businesses. Contact one of our staff for more information.

Sarah, Prevention Program Coordinator sarahr@safehouse.org

EP, Education Specialist epcade@safehouse.org

Sponsor-A-Room

One of the most important services we offer to victims of domestic and sexual violence is a safe place to stay while fleeing the abuser. This is the most dangerous stage of domestic violence as 75% of deaths that occur from an abusive relationship happen while the victim is leaving or shortly after separation from the abuser. 

For many, the emergency shelter is the first place they have felt safe in a long time. Located in a confidential location, the SafeHouse emergency shelter was built in 2007 and was designed to look like a home. A spacious living and dinning room area overlooks the backyard with a swing set and a playground. Residents have access to a kitchen and patio area. Soon a pavilion will be complete where residents can have picnics and grill out.

But after housing an average of 200 women and children each year, the shelter is need of some improvements. It is time for new coats of paint, decorations and furniture.  

Each room has a private bathroom.

This is how most rooms are currently. 

Fleeing domestic and sexual violence is a terrifying and overwhelming experience. Giving victims a comfortable and welcoming place to come empowers and strengthens them.

The first room to be sponsored 

Our friends at BB&T Pelham have put a lot of hard work into this beautiful room.

There are a total of 12 rooms in our emergency shelter. We are looking for sponsors for 10 of those rooms. There are 3 levels of sponsorship that you, your church or organization can consider.

Level 1- Support $700 

• paint 
• blinds/shades 
• 2 chests of drawers/dressers 

Level 2- Hope $1,100 

• All items in Level 1 
• blankets/comforters 
• sheets
• pillows
• bath towels 
• shower curtain 
• bathroom items 
• one additional chests of drawers/dressers 

Level 3- Empowerment $1,500 

• All items in Levels 1 and 2 
• lamps
• rugs
• artwork
• plastic storage bins
• hangers 
• toiletries 

Sponsors will be recognized on our website and social media pages. You will also receive a plaque on the room door.

Want to help but can't afford one of the levels above? No problem! There are several ways to help sponsor a room. We also need volunteers to help paint, move the furniture and make small repairs. Smaller, in-kind donations are also greatly appreciated! We are always in need of towels, washrags, pillows and sheets (size twin XL). See our Amazon wish list for other items to donate. Amazon wish list items are shipped directly to us. To drop off donations, call our administrative office at (205) 669-1877

SafeHouse Amazon Wish List

Ready to sponsor a room??? Reach out to our Residential Program Director, Brandi. She can be reached via email or phone. brandid@safehouse.org or (205) 669-5436 

BB&T Pelham was our first sponsor. Who will be next???

We've Been Busy in 2018

2019 is set to be an exciting year for SafeHouse as we celebrate 30 years of standing against domestic violence and sexual assault in Shelby, Clay and Coosa counties. Each year we have grown in ways we did not think were possible. Yet we are reaching further into our community and are even out growing our office space!

This past year, SafeHouse made a difference in the lives of the 541 people who received 7,173 services from us. A majority of those clients (435 folks) received services from us for the first time. Of those 541 clients, 407 were adults and 134 were children.

SafeHouse is overwhelmed by the generosity of our supporters in 2018! We received considerable donations from Hoover Kiwanis Club as well as grants from HSN and the Mary Kay Foundation.

      

In the spring, Talk 99.5 chose us to receive profits from their Jawbone Jam event at Iron City.  Not only was it a fun night of dancing and great music, Talk 99.5 raised significant funds for us.

After our community partners gave us so much, it was only right to give a little bit back. In November, staff visited police departments, churches, doctors, dentists, other non-profits and friends who helped our clients throughout 2018.

It was a small gift, but we hope everyone knows how much we appreciate our partners standing with us against abuse!  

SafeHouse knows how to throw a good party as well! Shelter staff planned several fun events for residents. All staff came together for the 2^nd Annual Southern Cookin’ Showdown at Summer Classics in Pelham. We cannot wait to see what the teams cook up this year! 

                                

Another great event was Dear Survivor. Interstellar Brewery in Alabaster hosted us in April for this Sexual Assault Awareness Month event. Survivors shared their stories and encouraging words to one another, and everyone was welcomed to decorate a wooden heart for the Wounded Heart Project. 

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. This year we set up informational tables at over ten events throughout our three county service area, including National Night Out events in Montevallo, Pelham, Alabaster and Chelsea. (All on the same night, by the way! J) 

Each Wednesday in October, all staff wore their best purple clothes and posted on social media to promote #WeWearPurple.

           

Another milestone in 2018 was hosting a male survivor group. We saw an increase in male survivors seeking help with 63 men receiving services from us.   

As we enter our 30^th year, please consider joining us in our efforts to end abuse. Make a donation on our website (https://safehouse.org/donate/), and mark your calendars for our upcoming events. We would love to see you at the 3^rd Annual Southern Cookin’ Showdown on April 27^th and the Moonlight Masquerade 30^th Anniversary Gala on August 17^th.

Share how SafeHouse has changed your life by emailing us at safehouse@safehouse.org. Your story might be featured at our gala this fall!  

#TheseHandsHelp

Tomorrow is #GivingTuesday, the kick-off for SafeHouse’s 2^nd annual #TheseHandsHelp Year End Giving Campaign. The United Nations Foundation started #GivingTuesday in 2012 to help us take a break from holiday shopping and to remember those within our community who need a little extra help. Last year, $247 million dollars were raised for charitable organizations. $45 million of that total was raised on Facebook, making #GivingTuesday the perfect springboard for our Year End Giving Campaign.

Our theme, #TheseHandsHelp, was inspired by last year’s outreach activity, These Hands Don’t Hurt. Last October, we gave people in the community a chance to take the pledge to use their hands to help and not to hurt by placing their hand print on our mural, which now hangs in the emergency shelter.  

Several police and fire departments, including Alabaster (pictured above), also took the pledge! 

This year, we hope to raise $9,000 through #TheseHandsHelp. In honor of our upcoming 30^th anniversary, please consider donating $30, one dollar for each year SafeHouse has been in operation.

All donations directly benefit SafeHouse and the clients we serve. In 2018:

• SafeHouse served nearly 3,000 victims of domestic and/or sexual violence through the emergency shelter, community office, and the crisis hotline.
• 161 presentations or workshops taught approximately 1,476 adults about the dynamics of domestic violence and sexual assault.  
• 115 safe dating presentations were given in high schools and colleges, reaching approximately 8,741 students. 
• Staff participated in 329 other community outreach events.

SafeShelby, the sexual assault clinic, has completed 78 exams since opening in December 2016.

Do you want to use your hands to help and not to hurt? Do you want to help end domestic violence and sexual assault within Shelby, Clay and Coosa counties? Please consider giving to SafeHouse in honor of #GivingTuesday. Tax deductible donations may be made through our website:

https://safehouse.org/donate/

On behalf of our clients, we thank-you for your generosity and support. With your help, SafeHouse will continue to serve victims for another 30 years.

What is SafeHouse?

“What is SafeHouse?”

We are asked this question at every event or presentation. No matter where we take our informational table, there are several people who have never heard of our organization.

What is SafeHouse?

SafeHouse of Shelby County is a full-service domestic and sexual violence center that provides emergency shelter and comprehensive support services to victims in Shelby, Clay and Coosa counties. Some of those services include counseling, support groups, child advocacy, legal assistance and case management. Our Prevention Team speaks with groups and individuals to educate the community on the dynamics of domestic violence and sexual assault.

SafeHouse is a place where those fleeing abuse can find safety. Our 56 bed emergency shelter is in a gated, confidential location. Our facility contains 12 bedrooms, a dining room area, a restaurant quality kitchen, and a playground.

Residential staff love to throw parties for those living in the shelter. 

SafeHouse is a place where victims are believed and supported. The SafeShelby sexual assault clinic provides sexual assault forensic exams in a comfortable, private office. Our Advocates accompany clients through the exam process and discuss resources. Follow-up services, such as counseling, are also provided.

 

Forensic exams can be scary, but the SafeShelby waiting room is designed to be comfortable and calming. 

SafeHouse is a place where survivors find resources as they begin to rebuild their lives. Case Managers help meet practical needs, such as housing and clothing assistance. Counselors provide emotional support through group and individual sessions. The Legal Team assists with divorces and provides court accompaniment.

All SafeHouse services are free of charge and are available to those in the community. Clients do not have to reside at the emergency shelter to receive services. SafeShelby clients are eligible for all sexual assault services whether or not the client decides to report the assault.      

SafeHouse of Shelby County can be reached at any time through our crisis hotline (205) 669-7233 or 669-SAFE

That and more is what SafeHouse is. Now that you know, spread the word!

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